Lots of couples end up asking: when is a marriage considered sexless? And what is the real definition of this phenomenon as seen by experts?
A sexless marriage can be considered one where a couple engages in sexual activity less than approximately ten times a year.
What is considered a sexless marriage? It’s a question many couples ultimately wrestle with. This term is frequently thrown around in relationship discussions but can be elusive in practical application. Physical closeness in long-term relationships has a tendency to evolve gradually. A variety of elements including children, stress, relationship issues, health complications and the communication styles employed by couples can affect how often physical closeness occurs.
When couples better understand how researchers and relationship experts perceive a sexless marriage, they can have a clearer perspective of their own circumstances and determine if there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed.
If you are also wondering how common it is for marriages to fall into the category of ‘sexless,’ consider reading our helpful article detailing the present prevalence of such marriages – how common sexless marriages are today..
This article is part of a larger guide covering many aspects of sexless marriages in a comprehensive manner.
What Is Considered a Sexless Marriage? A Simple Definition
In the context of relationship research, a sexless marriage is commonly defined as a marriage that only includes sexual intimacy fewer than 10 times a year.
It’s fairly straightforward for therapists and researchers to use this particular definition because it provides them with an easily understood marker by which they can examine relationship patterns. According to some experts, even having sex less than once a month in a marriage is also described as a sexless marriage.
However, sometimes numbers don’t tell the whole story. Some couples are perfectly comfortable with minimal sex, while others are utterly devastated if the intimacy level dips.
Relationship researchers place an equal amount of emphasis on a strong emotional connection and a sense of mutual satisfaction with the level of physical intimacy experienced in a marriage.
(The Gottman Institute)
How Common Are Sexless Marriages?
Though people don’t discuss this topic very much in public, many married couples report having sexless marriages according to studies and research conducted recently.
Research published in recent years states that 10%-20% of all married couples say they only have sex less than ten times annually, the threshold defined by most experts as a sexless marriage. Roughly 7% of all married adults say that they do not have any sex at all per year, while other couples claim to have practically no physical closeness. It gets even higher if you also count those few couples who have sex just a few times per year. This proves that relationships do naturally evolve and that it’s common for sex in a marriage to decline.
(Psychology Today)
(The Gottman Institute and the National Marriage Project)
Why Intimacy Often Declines Over Time
The difficulty in definitively classifying a sexless marriage is in part because intimacy doesn’t just end; rather it has a gradual decline that happens over years. There are numerous factors involved in this slow dwindling of physical closeness:
Many more in-depth explanations of these factors can be found in our other articles such as the piece entitled “Why Marriages Become Sexless.”
Life’s pressures can put a strain on the relationship, resulting in exhaustion and fatigue that has a toll on desire. This could be for many reasons.
A lack of emotional intimacy may have an impact on a couple’s desire for sexual intimacy. When partners pull away from one another emotionally, they also distance themselves physically.
The body changes with age and health, leading to a variety of factors that can contribute to diminished sexual desire, such as hormonal changes and chronic illness. It has been consistently shown through research that frequency of sexual activity declines naturally over time as couples age.
Existing routines and the development of unhealthy patterns or unresolved arguments within a long-term marriage have the tendency to lower intimacy between partners over the years.
Most of the time, the factors listed above interact with each other. Decreased intimacy will fuel emotional disconnection, and reduced emotional intimacy will make less physical closeness a more natural development over time.
When Does a Low-Sex Relationship Become a Problem?
While the label “sexless marriage” sounds negative, the lack of sex is not necessarily unhealthy for all couples. In fact, some couples will be happy with a lack of sex; as long as the couple enjoys strong intimacy and happiness, the lack of physical closeness doesn’t have to mean their relationship is suffering.
There are specific instances when a marriage’s lack of sexual intimacy could be indicative of a deeper problem:
Couples may have vastly differing views on the frequency they feel they need to have sex.
A general decline of intimacy can result in emotional distance, which can lead to the overall breakdown of the relationship if communication remains a challenge.
When partners have to avoid the discussion; any issue that is approached without openness will remain unresolved and therefore become part of the problem itself.
When sex begins to fade from a marriage, it is not necessarily a negative development unless other areas of the relationship suffer as a result.
The Difference Between Temporary Dry Spells and Sexless Marriages
Most marriages will experience fluctuations in intimacy levels at certain points. These temporary “dry spells” often occur during life events such as child-rearing, working extensive hours, physical illness, or other significant transitions. However, these short declines in sex don’t necessarily qualify as a sexless marriage. Typically, a lack of physical intimacy becomes considered “sexless” when it’s been an ongoing problem for months or years and has become a recurring factor in the couple’s life together.
Physical and emotional intimacy are closely linked in relationships. Studies have shown that when partners feel connected emotionally, the relationship tends to maintain physical closeness. When emotional intimacy begins to diminish, the same happens to sexual intimacy. This is why relationship experts emphasize communication rather than focusing solely on statistics.
Why Many Couples Never Talk About It
In spite of the high prevalence of sexless marriages in recent research, couples often find themselves unable to bring the topic up for discussion due to several reasons:
Shame and embarrassment over being in a sexless marriage
A deep-seated fear of offending or hurting their spouse
Not knowing the right words or how to initiate the conversation
The worry that talking about the issue will create more conflict
These reasons often lead to many marriages entering a period of silent and gradually decreasing sexual activity without either partner fully grasping why or how to put a stop to it. The first step to changing it is to break that silence.
Can a Sexless Marriage Be Repaired?
A great deal of couples do realize that their marriage’s lack of physical closeness is hurting their relationship and are willing to seek therapy to try to repair it. Therapists will focus more on communication styles and emotional intimacy rather than just increasing sexual activity. They work on:
Emotional connection issues
Communication problems
Unresolved conflicts
Managing the stressful life demands that can negatively affect intimacy levels
As couples learn to reconnect on an emotional level, physical intimacy will often return naturally.
Understanding the Patterns Behind Sexless Marriages
It’s not common for couples to enter into a sexless marriage by conscious decision. It tends to be a gradual unfolding process that involves communication breakdown, decreasing emotional connection, and suppressed resentment.
Eventually, partners will likely fall into cycles of misunderstanding where physical intimacy is almost completely nonexistent. Identifying these relational patterns is an important first step in reversing this trend. For more information on the communication behaviors that typically cause a marriage to become sexless, please see our article: How to Fix a Sexless Marriage
Conclusion
a sexless marriage is often referred to as a marriage with less than ten instances of sexual intimacy per year. While this is generally how it is defined, there is so much more to it than just a number. While low sexual activity may not be a problem for some couples, it may indicate a deep-seated emotional divide for others.
Gaining an understanding of how sexless marriages come to be, and what causes intimacy to fade away in long-term relationships- such as communication, life stress, and a waning emotional bond-can help couples reconnect and create a satisfying marriage with meaningful physical intimacy.
Related Articles
Understanding how experts define a sexless marriage can help couples place their experience into context. These guides explore how common sexless marriages are, why intimacy declines, and how couples begin rebuilding connection.
• How Common Are Sexless Marriages?
• Sexless Marriage Statistics: How Common Are Sexless Marriages Today
• Why Do Marriages Become Sexless?
• How to Rebuild Intimacy in a Sexless Marriage
About C.J. Taylor
C.J. Taylor created Restoring Intimacy to help people make sense of a specific kind of relationship challenge—where love and commitment are still present, but closeness has become uncertain or inconsistent.
Their work focuses on the patterns that develop quietly over time, often without either partner fully understanding why things feel different.
By combining personal insight with structured study of relationship dynamics, they offer a calm, practical way to understand and rebuild connection.
Start here: If you’re unsure what changed in your relationship, begin with Understanding the Communication Breakdown Loop—a simple framework that explains how intimacy gradually breaks down.