When relationships first notice changes in their sexual connection, many couples inevitably wonder how many other couples are actually experiencing a sexless marriage.
As the frequency of physical connection diminishes, you may wonder if your relationship’s situation is unusual, or if others are having the same experiences. It turns out many couples go through a period in which their sexual connection is lacking, sometimes temporarily and sometimes developing slowly into what many researchers now refer to as a sexless marriage.
It helps couples be more comfortable about the situation and understand they are not alone when learning how many couples have sexless marriages and why a marriage’s sexual connection can decrease over time. This guide is a section from our larger piece about understanding sexless marriages.
What Is Considered a Sexless Marriage Definition?
Before we delve into the frequency of sexless marriages, it’s important to clarify what defines one. Generally, a sexless marriage is one in which partners have sex less than about 10 times per year, which is a commonly cited definition from research.
Although this is a helpful definition for research and for identifying situations of few sexless meetings, frequency alone can’t determine satisfaction with the sexual relationship; one couple might feel happy with rare sex while another is emotionally hurt by it. Learning how the sexual activity in marriage is defined as sexless before exploring reasons for changes in sexual intimacy is beneficial for couples searching for answers.
For couples trying to understand their situation, learning what is considered a sexless marriage can provide useful context before exploring the reasons intimacy may have changed.
What Research Says About Sexless Marriages
Several studies of long-term marital connections have found that significant numbers of long-term couples maintain a sexless marriage for extended periods of time. Researchers have discovered that according to surveys, a marriage is sexless if partners report no sex during a year.
Certain research studies estimate that about 15-20% of married couples report infrequent sex over a year and that a portion of couples having infrequent sex are considered to be in a sexless marriage; that statistic rises somewhat higher depending on survey.
Psychology Today surveys and many others research that intimacy often shifts over a marriage based on life changes, emotional ties, overall health, and life stage in general. These statistics help couples who believe they might have a sexless marriage understand that it’s not a common phenomenon in relationships; it occurs due to specific situations like increasing responsibilities and everyday stress.
The statistics, however, may not paint the full picture as other factors contribute. It’s important to understand why marriages become sexless, as it’s often a gradual process in which sexual activity changes due to emotional, psychological, and lifestyle factors.
Why Intimacy Often Changes in Long-Term Relationships
Many couples come to believe that their decreased sexual activity must mean there’s a fundamental problem with their relationship. The truth is that several normal aspects of married life can cause sexless marriages and lead to a loss of connection.
* Lifestyle pressures. With work responsibilities, child-raising and financial pressures, many married couples face enormous amounts of stress.
* Emotional distancing. In any long-term relationship, there’s always a chance of small misunderstandings or unresolved issues that can contribute to a partner feeling emotionally disconnected.
* Communication issues. Partners who feel unheard and unseen can feel emotionally distant from each other and thus distant during sexual activity as well.
* Predictable schedules. Sexless marriages sometimes become boring or unexciting. Couples sometimes fall into predictable patterns that reduce any sense of passion they once shared.
These situations generally don’t happen overnight. Rather, the reasons for sexless marriages often unfold gradually through the mundane challenges and experiences of married life. However, realizing that one’s own situation is not unusual and not something to feel ashamed about is the first step in improving it.
Recognizing the signs a marriage is becoming sexless can help couples address these patterns before emotional distance becomes deeply established.
Why Statistics Can Be Misleading
While statistics can offer helpful context for couples struggling with sexless marriage concerns, it’s also easy to misunderstand them. Two couples may experience a similar level of sexual frequency, but have drastically different opinions about the health of their relationship.
One couple, with infrequent sex, may feel completely happy and connected if they maintain a strong emotional bond, whereas the other couple may be resentful about their lack of sex if there’s a deeper sense of emotional distance in their relationship. Thus, instead of simply focusing on numbers, many relationship experts advocate learning about the emotional patterns behind a marriage’s sexless connection, as these can contribute to a couples’ ultimate satisfaction or lack of satisfaction with their sex life.
Understanding why the sexual relationship in your marriage is declining may help you come to a better understanding of how you and your spouse have grown into sexless marriage relationships and work to improve sexual frequency in the marriage from this foundation.
For a deeper look at research and survey data, you can also explore our full breakdown of sexless marriage statistics.
The Communication Patterns Behind Declining Intimacy
In most long-term relationships, physical intimacy doesn’t disappear. Rather, sexless marriages gradually develop as partners participate in repetitive emotional and communication patterns, some more minor than others: “Couples with declining sexless connection may have partners who have been busy; they’ve moved away from emotional conversations towards discussing practicalities of daily life, less likely to engage in physical intimacy.
They don’t spend much time discussing things together, and they may overlook minor frustrations that contribute to reduced closeness, especially after years of being together.”
Although all these scenarios could decrease the feelings of intimacy, you will likely find that what may be missing from sexless marriages in general is communication, and that couples can often fix their situation by strengthening their bond through shared time and deeper conversations. For a greater understanding of how sexless marriages occur, you can read through our full statistics guide on the topic.
Can Intimacy Return After a Sexless Marriage?
One of the more hopeful discoveries from relationship studies of sexless marriage statistics and reasons behind their presence is that many couples do seem to get their intimacy back once they better understand their relationship.
Most couples can reclaim physical intimacy by making the following changes in their relationship: Improve partner communication, rebuild emotional trust in the relationship, work out their previous frustrations with one another, minimize pressure in their careers where feasible, and share more physical affection on a daily basis.
By implementing these changes into their lives, most married couples will realize that closeness slowly returns and thus their physical and emotional needs will once again be fulfilled.
Learning how to rebuild intimacy in a sexless marriage can provide a practical path forward for couples who want to reconnect.
Understanding Your Relationship Without Comparison
The one thing that all couples must keep in mind about their sexual connection is that all relationships have a pattern; comparing yourself to other relationships rarely gets the desired results.
It may be easier for you to remember what’s happened to cause sexless marriages if you take an introspective look at your own relationships and ask yourself, “What is happening within my relationship and my relationship with my spouse that’s causing changes in our physical relationship and decreasing sexual activity?”
When couples begin to notice patterns in communication and connection with others as well as everyday life stress, it can be simpler to improve.
Final Thoughts
Experiencing a decline in intimacy can feel confusing and discouraging, especially when couples are unsure whether their situation is unusual.
The truth is that many long-term relationships experience periods where intimacy changes.
Understanding how common sexless marriages are can help couples realize they are not alone in facing these challenges.
More importantly, understanding the emotional and communication patterns that influence intimacy can provide a path toward rebuilding connection.
With patience, open communication, and a willingness to understand each other’s experiences, many couples are able to restore closeness and strengthen their relationship over time.
Understanding Sexless Marriages
• What Is Considered a Sexless Marriage?
• Why Do Marriages Become Sexless?
• Signs a Marriage Is Becoming Sexless
• How to Rebuild Intimacy in a Sexless Marriage
About the Author
C.J. Taylor writes about the often-misunderstood patterns that affect long-term relationships, particularly where intimacy has faded without a clear cause.
Their approach combines personal experience with sustained study of relationship psychology, attachment patterns, and communication breakdowns—focusing on how small, repeatable shifts can quietly reshape connection over time.
The aim is not to offer quick fixes, but to provide clarity that allows meaningful, lasting change.
Start here: For a practical explanation of what’s happening beneath the surface, read Understanding the Communication Breakdown Loop—the core pattern behind many sexless marriages.